Sometimes our minds play games on us, it reminds us of things at the wrong time, like reminding you of how much money you were spending a year ago even though right now you cannot afford a two square meal or a traumatic event that happened in the past when you are now in a much better place. It's often unexpected, it's usually a word or an item that triggers it and you are down memory lane and the experiences, either good or bad are relived all over again.
No matter how much you try, you can't help yourself from not remembering and no matter how many times you are told to move on, you struggle, not because you want to go back to that place, but because you want to seek answers to your many questions.
Recently I had one of those 'flashbacks'; what's funny is that I had this flashback at a family dinner and the thought just hit me. As expected, I had so many questions; questions for myself, questions for the other parties involved and questions for God because I felt like I was owed an explanation, I needed to know WHY?!.
After hours of thinking and attempting to answer the questions myself, I turned to God and asked Him to help me find a way out of it.
Unlike most times when I feel like He is ignoring my whining, I got a message the next day through the following scriptures:
It was no mere coincidence that the scriptures for devotion had to be these two, I felt like He was up there watching and rolling His eyes at me like "Woman can we please move from this? There's a lot more I have in store for you". It was a reassurance that despite my experiences, He had already begun His work on my 'something new' and it would be greater than what it was that I felt I had before and would be a testimony/miracle only attributed to Him.
While meditating further on these scriptures, I was reminded of the old school writing process. I say old school because these days electronic devices have destroyed this pattern. You know the pattern where you start out writing on a sheet of paper and you make a mistake or it just doesn't look right so you squeeze the paper, toss it to the side and then get a fresh sheet to begin all over again.
You go through this a few more times until you have your final document, most times the final is very different from the first draft, other times the good parts of all your drafts make it to the final, and in rare cases what you thought was good initially ends up looking out of place in the final document so you cross it out, squeeze the paper and get a new sheet.
The thing is, even though the rumpled paper is within close reach, either on the floor or in the bin, you never actually go back to it; what is bad is bad, and you keep working towards something new that erases the memory of the bad.
This is what God is assuring us, that no matter how many times we cancel or make mistakes, He is working towards something new for us, so we must not look back searching for answers when the answer is ahead with HIM. We must treat our past experiences like rumpled paper, we know it's there but we never go back to it as a reference for the future and even if we try to iron it out, it still would not be as good as something new.
Life comes in chapters and there will be a few crossed out paragraphs and mistakes before becoming a best-selling book, with everyone admiring the final copy but few knowing how many rumpled papers were tossed to make it a masterpiece.
In conclusion, stop looking for answers from your past, look towards Him for your something new.
I personally need to remember this more.