This was where it all started. I was finally discharged from the hospital after almost 4 days of having intense fevers and cocktails of antibiotics. It was like after giving birth my body crashed.
My 2016 testimony is not just about being a mother, it’s about being renewed and alive. Throughout my pregnancy I battled emotionally and psychologically, it was a constant struggle trying to take care of myself as well as my unborn. From eye shutting migraines to scary blood pressures and a blackout, I wasn’t surprised when my doctor said I had signs of preeclampsia, the stress throughout my pregnancy was too much for me and no one could take care of me but God.
I spent my last month of pregnancy hiding from the world not because I thought I was ugly but because I had a lot of questions. Why me God? Why is everything falling apart? What did I do wrong to be here? I thought you gave a go ahead. What am I supposed to do now? I would attempt to pray but the days words fail me I would listen to Travis Greene’s ‘you made a way’ and Glowreeyah’s ‘Miracle Worker’.
My water broke at 9:30am. I was in the hospital by 10am. When I got there, the nurses were sure I would be done in another 3 to 4 hrs because I was dilated 6.5cm. By 3pm I was at 9.5cm, they said any minute now so prepare yourself. By 5:45pm the doctor comes in and says, ‘you have a fever, the baby keeps falling asleep, oxygen levels to the baby is low, you can keep waiting to get to 10cm but I won’t advice it because your blood pressure has gone up again and we have to get the baby out’
By 6:46pm, I was cut open and my little girl was born, she was still sleeping. For the next 3 days I wasn’t myself, I had no clue why the temperature or my blood pressure won’t go down so I would cry and I would pray. Mama O was by my side the whole time barely sleeping while I kept wondering why God had not said a word to me.
On my 3rd day I cried quietly, this was the first time I really became vulnerable with God and decided to let go of everything. I had been holding on to so much pain and anger that I wasn’t even appreciative of having a child. And when I was done crying, a burden was lifted off me and I slept like a baby, the first time in over 7 months I felt at peace.
After 12 hrs of being watched, I was discharged. No more fever. I was free to go.
It may feel like blabbing but I just want to let you know that only you has the power to be happy and free.
Marriage won’t give you happiness, friends won’t make you feel renewed, only God can. So let go of every pain or anger this 2016 and enter the new year a different person.